I don’t mind if your jeans are that little bit tighter.
I don’t mind if you have broken personal records for how quickly you finish a bag of chips.
I don’t mind if the number on the scale has increased.
I don’t mind if you can’t remember the last time you went for a run.
I don’t mind if you didn’t write and publish a book, start a social movement, learn a new language, bake banana bread, or even cleaned the house.
However, what I do care about is if you become sick with Covid-19 and how your mental health is coping in this pandemic.
Those that were in my life before the pandemic struck, I REALLY want to see them, in person, on the other side of all of this. I don’t care what they look like, what they wear, or what they did. What I do care about is that they are healthy, safe, and are mentally well. The truth is, my weight is increasing. I will come out of social isolation at a heavier weight, and I am slowly coming to accept that. I am starting to value the time I have now to focus on my ED recovery without trying to keep up with the hectic pace of society. I am starting to choose what is healthy and necessary for my own health and not what society prescribes I should be like.
I am de-throning weight from my values and instead filling my life with what matters. We ALL have our own thoughts and fears on body image but I ask you, is your weight really something that deserves our effort and time in this season? When my life became uncertain last year, I turned to controlling my weight and food. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t end well and in the long term it only snowballs into a larger problem. Only now, having gone through the past 12 months, do I realise how destructive (emotionally/physically/financially/mentally) focusing on weight really is. To be quite frank, it is hella boring also! Talk to me about grass growing rather than your weight, my weight, or anyone else’s weight – to me there is more substance in that type of conversation.
One thing is for certain, and this you can keep me accountable, when I see you next, I will not judge you, analyse you, or interrogate you. Instead, I will embrace you, love you, and be grateful for the time I have with you. Stay safe friends!
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” -Maya Angelou